


Reckless

by soongtypeprincess



Series: South Downs Retirement [3]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Animal Attack, Animal Transformation, Gen, Minor Injuries, Retirement, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Snakes, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), injured animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 09:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18688354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soongtypeprincess/pseuds/soongtypeprincess
Summary: A South Downs Cottage/Retirement fic, featuring a garden and a rabbit. And no, it's not the veggies about to get eaten.





	Reckless

**Author's Note:**

> This is another I put on my Tumblr. 
> 
> I put to tag "animal attack" because there wasn't one for "animal fight."
> 
> Also, I should add, that I head canon that Crowley can morph into any kind/size of snake he wants. In this one, he's about the size of a rattlesnake (but isn't actually one). He's not the giant Serpent of Eden from the show in most of my fics.
> 
> I do NOT own these characters!

It was warm and sunny that early afternoon, and Aziraphale was kneeling in his garden, making little signs to put at the ends of the rows to indicate each one.

After they had settled most of their belongings at the cottage, Aziraphale went straight to work cleaning the yards. The front yard kept itself neatly trimmed with soft grass, always free of ant beds and moles. The backyard received the most sun during the day, so that was where their vegetables grew. Aubergines, courgettes, leeks, fennel, three different lettuces, and vines of rosy tomatoes, and in baskets hanging over the rails of the back porch were herbs: rosemary, thyme, sage, lavender, peppermint, and basil.

Crowley had repainted the two spare bedrooms as they were the only rooms in the cottage that had old, yellowish wallpaper. After several philosophical discussions about color coordination and light and shadow, they finally settled on a sky blue.

They could have used their "magic," as it were, but Crowley suggested they try to be more human in retirement.

_"How dare you suggest such a---"_

_"Now, wait, angel," Crowley had said with a smile. "I just mean how about we save our shortcuts for little things? Like, oh I don't know...turning on the lights."_

_"We do that already," Aziraphale huffed._

_"But what happens when we always cook, huh? You don't cut garlic or anything by hand; you_ will _it to be perfectly minced!!_ _That's tantamount to cheating."_

_"I know how to mince garlic!"_

_"I'm not saying you don't---"_

_"Do_ you _know how to stir a mixing bowl?"_

_"Point taken, angel!"_

Aziraphale began placing his small homemade signs along the rows of vegetables when Crowley slithered out of the cottage, his black and red scales shining in the sunlight. He slid over Aziraphale’s ankle for his acknowledgement.

He lightly gasped and turned to him. “Oh, darling! You startled me for a moment." He sat back on his heels and grinned. "Up from your nap finally, I see?”

Crowley raised himself and flicked his tongue on the tip of Aziraphale's nose.

“You silly serpent,” he giggled as he gently placed his finger under the snake's jaw. “Off for a snack, then?”

Crowley winked.

“Don’t get too full, dear. I'm broiling steaks tonight.”

He watched Crowley slither away before resuming his work.

Two hours later, he finished trimming and plucking herbs to cook their supper, and took them into the kitchen to spritz them with water and put them in the windowsill to dry.

He went back outside and paused on the first step, thinking. “Oh," he said in realization. "I need the trowel for potatoes. I do think potatoes would go well with supper." He started to the side yard where the storage shed was, on his way assuring the potato patch, “I’ll be right back, my beauties."

He turned the corner and paused when he spotted the cutest, little grey rabbit.

“Oh, how precious,” he sighed. “This was a great idea. I do love being out here. I love my garden and Crowley has spots to sun himself and nap away the day. Tranquility, being close to nature; really beats the bustle of London. And the sight of you, little one, just makes all this worthwhi–”

A streak of black shot across the grass and the rabbit shrieked.

So did Aziraphale.

“Crowley!”

The bunny struggled as the snakes coils tried to squeeze it. 

Aziraphale had a rule when Crowley was in his serpent form. He could eat all the bugs in the garden or the mice that would stray into the house, but he was never allowed to eat them in front of Aziraphale.

He understood the usual fare of snakes, but he didn't want to witness the slaughter first hand. Also, the idea of Crowley's jaws doing  _that_ made him a bit uneasy.

“Crowley, stop it!  _Please_! It's just a baby!”

There was a  _whish_  between his feet. It was another serpent and it was rushing toward the assailant.

Aziraphale then realized the wicked snake crushing the poor rabbit was  _not_  Crowley at all!

A swirl of red and black lunged and sank its fangs deep into the bigger snake’s back. It immediately uncoiled from the rabbit and twisted itself around Crowley.

The two snakes wrestled, biting and hissing and striking at each other’s faces.

Aziraphale noticed that rabbit had survived but was in a daze. It limped in Aziraphale's direction and he carefully picked it up and cradled it as he pressed himself against the cottage wall.

"Dear, do be careful! It might be venomous!" He watched in horror as Crowley fought against the snake, and suddenly it bit him just under his throat.

“No!” Aziraphale cried. 

Crowley instantly struck back, taking out the snake’s eye. 

It recoiled with a loud hiss and retreated into the thicket.

Aziraphale approached Crowley as he transformed back to his human shape.

“Crowley, love! Are you alright?” He knelt beside him as Crowley rolled onto his elbows.

Crowley grunted as he unbuttoned his shirt and grasped his left shoulder where there was a prominent bite.

Aziraphale gasped and held the rabbit with one arm to help his husband stand. “That was a stupid thing to do! You could have discorporated!”

“I’m  _fine_ , angel,” Crowley said. “He wasn’t venomous.”

“You poor dear! Let’s get you patched up.”

“Oh, darling, I told you. I’ll be okay.”

Aziraphale frowned. “I was talking to the bunny. I think his poor foot is damaged. Oh, and his poor ear is all bloody, too.”

He turned to the cottage, but stopped and looked at Crowley, who was lagging behind and still rubbing his shoulder.

He smirked and approached him again, this time giving him a loving kiss.

“Thank you, dearest. That was…well, quite brave, actually.”

Crowley gave a coy grin and stole another kiss.

Aziraphale sighed. “Well…did you have your snack?”

He shook his head. "Anyway, steak sounds better than stoat.”

His angel giggled. “Come along, then. Let’s tend to your wound, as well.” He linked his arm with Crowley’s. “You really are a reckless fool.”

“Only for you, darling.”


End file.
